Choosing a Life Partner

According to Dr. Clarissa Pincola Estes, a philosopher and psychoanalyst, there are 12 traits of a potential life-long partner. Check the following list to find out which of them you already possess and which you have to develop to become a worthy significant other.

Becoming a worthy partner

Choose a person as if you were blind.

Close your eyes and feel what you think about this person, about their virtues. Their kindness, devotion, insight, faithfulness, ability to take care of you and themselves. Also, try to consider a person as an individual. Despite the fact that cultural peculiarities heavily influence our opinions and what our eyes see does matter, the things we see and perceive with our inner sight, with our eyes closed, are much more important.

The ability to learn

There is one main difference between a potential life-long partner and a person for a short-term relationship. This feature is the ability to learn.

There is a Spanish saying that the most intolerable person is the one unable to learn. The one who isn’t able to accept a fresh view on something, see usual things in a new light, who has no interest in the way the world functions and people interact. Very often, such people close and say “no” to the novelty of any kind dividing the world into white and black only. For a lasting relationship, it is better to choose an open person. Not always open, of course. You’d better choose a person who can open up and close, learning and growing as time goes by.

Choose somebody who wants to be like you

Sometimes, women possess such qualities as power and tenderness. The power of a tree. A fierce wind may beat it, but due to its flexibility, it will be moving in the wind’s rhythm. If it doesn’t bend, it will be broken. Here, by sensitivity, we mean an ability to remain alive and admit everything going on. Some people need help to become tender. However, most often, people are innately alive and tender, they just find it hard to express these qualities. That is why an ability to learn is of vital importance. You may have vast potential but never become kind, devoted, and loving provided you don’t learn and develop your potential.

Choose a person showing your actions hurt them

Choose a person who sees their actions hurt you and regrets that. It is very important. There are many ways of how people express their pain. Some immerse deeply in themselves facing even the slightest problem. Especially extraverts get furious at the fact that their partner closes, but it is necessary to understand that it is one of the means of coping with pain. Until a person is ready to do something and overcome this state, there is nothing to worry about. The thing you should worry about is the absence of your partner’s reaction if you’ve done something wrong. It means that the person has already rejected you and given up any efforts to correct something. In this case, a person will never let themselves again to be real and alive in your presence.

It may also happen that people have accumulated a lot of anger in their previous relationship so that their need to insult or hurt a new partner may be increased. However, they should be able to stop if they see that it hurts another person.   

Choose a person who has their inner life.

Be it religion, meditation, writing, or any other hobby. Choose somebody who goes their own way and considers you a partner and a travel mate. Such people are able to connect with others not losing their separate self; and this feature is rather significant. The point is that any relationship has its own stages; sometimes, we need to connect with our partner, and there are moments when we have to be far away from each other. The bond connecting us both doesn’t have to break. Thus, we shouldn’t look for a relationship in which the bond is easily broken or there are no coincidences of partners’ rhythms.

Choose a person sharing your hobbies

A relationship creates mutual memories. You do something together, it remains in your mind and becomes a glue connecting you both. These memories are retrieved to help you go through hardships. Of course, any union is based on mutual support, but at the same time, everyone is solving their own problems in their own world; that is why it is necessary to have some mutual interests apart from brushing teeth together in the morning.

Choose someone sharing your values

Undoubtedly, it is very difficult to meet two same people, but you can always see what way a relationship is developing. Common values let decrease the tension appearing as a relationship moves on. Besides, it is better to discuss common values before you engage in a long-term relationship. Surely, we are longing for romance and passion, but with a pragmatic approach, it is much easier to overcome problematic aspects in a relationship.

Choose a person able to sympathize

Who wants and can listen to you. Who is mutually ready to devote an equal amount of time. Especially if you are very emotional, and your partner is much calmer, you will benefit from this relationship. A relaxed partner, in turn, will fasten their pace in some matters, which will lead to general harmony and establishing of a certain rhythm within your couple.

Choose a person capable of laughing at themselves

The value is not only in your partner’s ability to laugh at themselves but also in your ability to laugh at yourself or any joke even during the most heated quarrel. What matters here is interaction and the way you feel by somebody’s side even through an argument. Imagine your partner doesn’t like joking; then, pay attention to their ability to stop arguing at the hardest point. It requires practice because we all have an inner devil urging us to break up in the middle of a heated quarrel.

The ability to forgive some flaws

Those details you once liked about your partner would irritate you the most later. So, you have to know beforehand what you can never put up with. Keep in mind that different kinds of addiction are very hard to get rid of, so you’d better think twice before engaging in a relationship with some kind of “-holic” person. Here belong gambling, drug or alcohol addiction, religious fanaticism, etc.

You should be not only lovers but also friends

This point is about your willingness to do for your partner the things you would do for a friend. Are you ready to sit and listen to them, talk about the things they want to discuss, do what they want? It doesn’t mean you have to satisfy all their whims, though, to some extent, you have to do that on a regular basis.

Finally, the most important trait logically resulting from all the abovementioned issues.

Make sure that the person you’ve chosen makes your life better and imbues it with a new meaning. Once you feel your life is getting worse and lacks simple human happiness, never hesitate to quit. As soon as possible.